And brother, what an other!
Over the weekend, I made a case against what seemed then to be the ultimate Big Lie in Hillary Clinton’s desperate arsenal of slash-and-burn rhetorical slop hurled against Bernie Sanders.
I argued that male Bernie supporters — me, for example — are not woman-bashing misogynistic trolls just because we hold Hillary Clinton to the same standards to which we hold male candidates, Bernie included. We just find her lacking.
That, I thought, would be that. End of her campaign’s fanciful, artful smear involving the so-called “Bernie Bros.”
Then came the sad, dueling displays of the once-iconic Gloria Steinem and Madeline Albright on national TV, alternately trying to scold and shame young women for backing Bernie Sanders in such overwhelming numbers.
To Steinem (before she tried walking her comments back and explaining it all away), this meant mostly that young female Bernie supporters are basically clueless, boy-crazy bimbos, which in Albright’s mysterious mind ultimately destines them for nothing more than ringside seats in hell.
But, hold everything — as corporate media outlets used to say (before we stopped listening to them and started listening to each other): This just in…
The latest narcissistic nuggets rendered on Hillary’s behalf come from the mouth of the biggest serial philanderer and personal prevaricator in modern political history.
And since it probably plays out best in undiluted form as the unforced farce it is, let me switch to my best carnival barker rhetorical voice, because that’s all this mockery of political discourse deserves:
Ladies and gentlemen, let’s put our hands together (but, ladies, please keep your knees together, just in case) and welcome to the stage, the original Democratic Party “Ho-Bro” Bill Clinton*!
I could ramble on in excruciating detail and pander at great length about the sheer absurdity of Bill Clinton lecturing anyone on personal morality and public sexism (much less Bernie Sanders) but I won’t. It’s likely to only bring up ugly memories that are better left alone.
What I will cite, though, is a derisive sneer that Bubba hurled at Bernie for having the shameless audacity to describe our current economic system as “rigged,” which could only come from a worldview that exists in a “hermetically sealed box.”
There. I said it. I told you that thinking about Bill Clinton, too often or for too long, is a bummer.
That’s why I’ll keep the rest of my particulars brief — which, we know now, is where Bill Clinton should have kept his particulars while in the Oval Office: in his briefs.
Does that make me sexist, Bill? And is it even possible to be sexist when ridiculing a member of my own sex?
And lest I say anything else that may eventually serve to feed the Bill-and-Hillary-Clinton slime-machine so squarely aimed at Bernie Sanders, I’ll sign off on this installment of Dirty Dog’s Delicious Dig of the Day in my own voice, so not to confuse Clinton campaign followers, who actually believe in both “Bernie bros” and bimbos:
If I could afford it, and right about now, I’d float a tiny disclaimer over the bottom of the screen:
“Not affiliated with any campaign or political party, especially the corporate whores and shills in charge of the Republican Party and Democratic Party.”
Then I might even hurl a last splash of slop of my own as a final tag line:
“Bill Clinton would have been better served if he’d kept his own ‘rig’ in a ‘hermetically sealed box.”
Because, me, I’m no gentleman. I’m as lost and lowdown as Bill Clinton.
* * *
*Ironically (and not uncoincidentally), Urban Dictionary’s “Top Definition” for “Bill Clinton” still reads this way: “To get a blowjob while at work.”
Over the weekend, I made a case against what seemed then to be the ultimate Big Lie in Hillary Clinton’s desperate arsenal of slash-and-burn rhetorical slop hurled against Bernie Sanders.
I argued that male Bernie supporters — me, for example — are not woman-bashing misogynistic trolls just because we hold Hillary Clinton to the same standards to which we hold male candidates, Bernie included. We just find her lacking.
 |
| Birds of a Feather: Clucking together. |
That, I thought, would be that. End of her campaign’s fanciful, artful smear involving the so-called “Bernie Bros.”
Then came the sad, dueling displays of the once-iconic Gloria Steinem and Madeline Albright on national TV, alternately trying to scold and shame young women for backing Bernie Sanders in such overwhelming numbers.
To Steinem (before she tried walking her comments back and explaining it all away), this meant mostly that young female Bernie supporters are basically clueless, boy-crazy bimbos, which in Albright’s mysterious mind ultimately destines them for nothing more than ringside seats in hell.
But, hold everything — as corporate media outlets used to say (before we stopped listening to them and started listening to each other): This just in…
The latest narcissistic nuggets rendered on Hillary’s behalf come from the mouth of the biggest serial philanderer and personal prevaricator in modern political history.
And since it probably plays out best in undiluted form as the unforced farce it is, let me switch to my best carnival barker rhetorical voice, because that’s all this mockery of political discourse deserves:
Ladies and gentlemen, let’s put our hands together (but, ladies, please keep your knees together, just in case) and welcome to the stage, the original Democratic Party “Ho-Bro” Bill Clinton*!
I could ramble on in excruciating detail and pander at great length about the sheer absurdity of Bill Clinton lecturing anyone on personal morality and public sexism (much less Bernie Sanders) but I won’t. It’s likely to only bring up ugly memories that are better left alone.
What I will cite, though, is a derisive sneer that Bubba hurled at Bernie for having the shameless audacity to describe our current economic system as “rigged,” which could only come from a worldview that exists in a “hermetically sealed box.”
 |
| Bill Clinton: The Pot Calling the White Linen Napkins and Tablecloth Black. |
There. I said it. I told you that thinking about Bill Clinton, too often or for too long, is a bummer.
That’s why I’ll keep the rest of my particulars brief — which, we know now, is where Bill Clinton should have kept his particulars while in the Oval Office: in his briefs.
Does that make me sexist, Bill? And is it even possible to be sexist when ridiculing a member of my own sex?
And lest I say anything else that may eventually serve to feed the Bill-and-Hillary-Clinton slime-machine so squarely aimed at Bernie Sanders, I’ll sign off on this installment of Dirty Dog’s Delicious Dig of the Day in my own voice, so not to confuse Clinton campaign followers, who actually believe in both “Bernie bros” and bimbos:
“I’m Jim Parker and I approved this message.”
If I could afford it, and right about now, I’d float a tiny disclaimer over the bottom of the screen:
“Not affiliated with any campaign or political party, especially the corporate whores and shills in charge of the Republican Party and Democratic Party.”
Then I might even hurl a last splash of slop of my own as a final tag line:
“Bill Clinton would have been better served if he’d kept his own ‘rig’ in a ‘hermetically sealed box.”
Because, me, I’m no gentleman. I’m as lost and lowdown as Bill Clinton.
* * *
*Ironically (and not uncoincidentally), Urban Dictionary’s “Top Definition” for “Bill Clinton” still reads this way: “To get a blowjob while at work.”
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